Harmful Imbalance!

Every person wants his/her life to really matter. For many, work is a place where they feel a sense of significance. There is nothing wrong with enjoying work, but when a person is consumed with work a harmful imbalance may result. Family is one of the areas of life that may experience the effects of this harmful imbalance. At a specific time when my life was consumed by work and imbalanced, my wife, Jan said to me, “if you give up your family, you give up everything.” Jan was right on! What really matters in life are the people I love and who love me; this is my family.

Family is our most important responsibility. In a substantial study taken of American Teenagers by Search Institute in 1997, researchers discovered that kids who “feel connected to their parents, were less likely to suffer emotional distress, think about suicide, be violent, smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, or smoke marijuana”  (Strasburger). These parent-nurtured kids also tended to delay their first sexual experiences. In this same survey of high school students, 86 percent said they feel disconnected from and devalued by adults, and only 22 percent said they could communicate positively with their parents (Strasburger).  Family is the primary place to influence the next generation for Jesus.

 So what do we need to do to strengthen our families?  Below is a list of practical suggestions on how to strengthen your family.

• Make a commitment to read God’s word daily.
• Read to your family from age-appropriate bible-based books.
• Establish a quiet time each day to pray.
• Pray with your spouse and kids.
• Share with your kids your personal faith story.
• Share with each other examples of God’s care and love that you are experiencing.
• Gather for a family meeting. Have family members each share their concerns about the upcoming week. Set priorities, make decisions, and establish responsibilities and expectations for the week.
• Help your kids learn how to make “to do” lists.
• Think of ways to serve together, (i.e. clean the yard, bake for someone, and/or visit a nursing home)
• Memorize scripture together by posting a selected verse or verses in a prominent place in your home. A few suggested locations are the refrigerator door or a bathroom mirror.
• Play together, (i.e. board games, catch in the back yard, build a fort in the woods, go on a date, go on a fast-food progressive dinner)

 Family is the most important responsibility, achievement, and legacy we will leave after we are gone. Family is more important than a job, income, standard of living, or personal ambitions. God calls us to care for and nurture our families.

Victor C. Strasburger, “Tuning in to Teenagers,” Newsweek (September 1997).

Stay Connected to Your Child’s Heart

Do you have days as a parent when it seems so much easier to over-react rather than listen to your child? My reactions as a parent often added to the tension of situations. Over-reacting is like adding fuel to a fire. As parents we need to set positive examples for our children, teaching them how to interact and how to react.

There are several things that contribute to over-reacting. Some examples are lack of sleep, over-commitment, unresolved conflicts, lack of laughter, etc.  Maybe as a parent you are just too tired of dealing with a child’s reoccurring misbehaviors. The contributing factors of over-reacting may be different for all of us; however some of these examples can be attributed to our lack of time with the Lord.  The Bible has great practical instructions for parenting.

In James 1:19, Paul says, “You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (NRSV).  The Apostle Paul provides excellent instruction to combat our tendencies to over-react.  His first instruction is to listen. Listening communicates to your child that you value what they say and value them as a person. When you listen, you gain greater insight into the situation and your child’s heart.  Listening models patience and places your child in the “limelight.” This reveals to him/her that you truly care. Over-reacting is selfish and does not teach your child how to listen.

The Apostle Paul’s second instruction is to be “slow to speak.” Before you over-react, take a deep breath, pray, and ask God to give you patience. When you have gained composure, ask your child to take a deep breath, and engage them in conversation. Be sure to listen.  As stated before, this will be a great step in gaining insight into your child’s heart. 

The Apostle Paul’s third and final instruction is to be “slow to anger.” Remember that your child is acting their age. Often times as parents, our expectations are unrealistic. We might be expecting adult behavior from a 3-year-old. Be tender in your love; anger often comes when we start to see our children as inconveniences.

Children are not obstacles to our personal agendas; they are treasures from God.  In God’s eyes everyone is an extraordinary treasure. All people are God’s beloved creations and are invited to receive forgiveness at the cross. How you respond to your child’s behavior is an opportunity for you to reveal God’s love.  When you grasp what your child means to God you can begin to soften and treat them tenderly.

As parents, “be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” These are ways to stay connected to your child’s heart!

Pastor Doug

Home: A Safe Haven

Parents are responsible to love and care for their children.  This is a never ending responsibility, as children are being exposed to a toxic social environment.  Parents need to work hard at creating an atmosphere in the home that counters the pressures of the internet, pop culture and destructive images of beauty, wealth, sex and violence.  However, God does not leave parents floundering with this responsibility.  He has provided clear instruction in the Word on how to love and provide a safe haven for families. 

In Ephesians chapters five and six the Apostle Paul challenges husbands, wives, and children to follow the example of Christ in all relationships.  Paul explains what following the example of Christ would look like when applied to family relationships.  Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the Church.  Jesus gave himself up for her.  Wives are to submit to their husbands as they submit to Christ and we must submit to each other out of reverence for Christ.  Children are to honor and obey their parents.  Paul also makes it clear that parents should not exasperate their kids.  Paul also says we are to love, feed, care unite, respect, train and instruct.   

 In May, the congregation was asked to think back to their growing-up experience, and to share one way in which their home was a safe haven.  These are just a few of the responses:

• “I was always welcome, and my friends were always welcome in my home.”
• “We spent a lot of time together.”
• “My parents loved the Lord.”
• “My parents worked out their differences.”
• “I never had to question my parents’ love for each other.”
• “I was allowed to learn from my mistakes.”
• “I could share openly with my parents.”
• “We ate meals together.”
• “We were always taken care of and had lots to eat even though we were poor.”
• “There was a lot of physical affection in my home.”
• “We were encouraged to use our imagination.”
• “We prayed together.”
• “My dad took me with him places.”
• “We went to church together.”
• “I always knew what to expect at home; we had a predictable routine.”
• “My home was a place to escape.”

 Everyone’s growing-up experience is different.  I hope that our homes are safe havens for all family members.  We can learn a lot from the Word and from each other to make sure that our homes are a safe haven! 

Pastor Doug

Waiting For the Family to Arrive

Spending time with the family is fun when the family is working right. On December 27,2008 I was like a little kid anxiously waiting for everyone to arrive. I would periodically look out the window facing the driveway to see if there was a vehicle pulling up to the house. I couldn’t wait for that white Cavalier, silver Van and big white Suburban to arrive loaded with our kids, grand kids, son-in-laws, daughter in-law and a boyfriend. Everyone was staying for the week! Well, they finally arrived and we had a great time! We ate too much , stayed up way too late, played real hard, laughed, talked and talked and then ate some more. Wow! It doesn’t get better than spending time with family when the family is working right. 

How do families work right? How do families become strong?

A family doesn’t start out strong or work right on its own. Family strength begins when the foundation of the home is Christ. A strong family is made up of individuals who understand the depths of God’s love.

Family is God’s idea. It is one of His greatest gifts to us. In family we can love and experience being loved because of God’s example. Family is the context for real relationships. Members of a strong family are committed to each other. They care for each other in practical ways. Strong families are not void of hardships, challenges and disappointments. But most often they view the circumstances of life as opportunities to grow and prayer is a vital component of each day.

When family is working right the home becomes the primary place for spiritual formation. As a parent lives out their faith in front of their child through positive attitudes and actions the Word comes alive in that young life. Children need to hear and experience in their homes the life-changing message of Jesus Christ. This message is what gives us all hope! There is nothing else like it.

Children’s perception of God comes through the real life connection that they have with their parents. Those meaningful connections happen when parents deliberately include their children into their daily lives. Children deserve both quality and quantity of time with their parents. A child perceives very quickly when they are just tolerated or truly loved.

As you strive to strengthen your family here are some important questions to ponder: Is Jesus real in my life? Is my family drawn closer to God by the way I treat them? Do I share the love of Jesus with my children? Do my kids enjoy my company? Do I spend quality and quantity of time with my spouse and children? What kind of marriage relationship do my kids see and experience behind the closed doors of my home? Do I work hard at blending the differences that exist between my spouse and I? Do I look for and create opportunities to encourage and bless each person in my home? How well do I communicate with my spouse and children? Do I take time to listen to the heart of my spouse and children? Am I emotionally available for my family or am I pre-occupied with myself and earning money? Am I taking steps to heal areas of my past that hinder my relationships with my family?

I hope that your time together in family over the holidays was an opportunity for meaningful connections. I want to do everything I can to speak encouragement into your life and into the life of your family. It takes a team to develop strong families. Doing things right in family is hard work! But when heart connections are made, standing at the window waiting for your family to arrive becomes the natural thing to do.

Blessings to you and your family!

Pastor Doug

Building Strong Families

Landscaping, gardening and lawn care are some of my hobbies. A well manicured lawn, meandering flower beds, ponds, picket fences, majestic trees and rolling terrain catch my eye every time. But, what we see on the outside doesn’t always reflect the real picture of the family living inside the home. The truth is that the lives inside many of these well-ordered homes are in shambles. Relationships are neglected, communication is ignored and Jesus is left in the big Bible that is collecting dust on the coffee table.

If your home were turned inside out, what would your neighbors see? Healthy, growing relationships? Open and honest communication? Parents modeling authentic Christianity? What about qualities like trust, humor, affirmation, and responsibility? Only God can make our families stronger by rearranging the inside of our homes according to the wisdom of his Word! Deuteronomy 6:5-7: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commands that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Building strong families is a value of the Covenant Church. We believe that families are nurtured through the study of God’s Word and by instilling values that promote strong family life – values such as unconditional love, commitment, serving others, forgiveness and grace. We want to do everything that we can to encourage spiritual growth in your family.

Strong Christian families are not protected from troubles or disappointments, but a strong faith will give them a framework for coping and even thriving in adverse circumstances. Your faith will be nurtured at the Covenant Church.

We want to do everything we can to touch your heart and impact your home.

Pastor Doug
Pastor of Family Life Ministry